Day 18

Before giving birth to Nouaira, I thought what I would miss most would be cold water, food that are banned throughout confinement, sleep and even watching favourite series online. But nothing compares to that something that I've lost and looks like going to take a very long time to regain..my health!

Yes, my health is in poor shape. I guess when you have limited ability to walk everything seems hard to do. Getting up, changing positions, walking..all of that are major chores to me. I try to ignore them but yesterday my lower back hurts like hell! Macam ada bengkak sikit. And it's not helping that my stitches hasn't heal properly. There are times rasa ngilu sangat..and sakit. Yes, it has been 18 days and still tak baik. I'm worried.

I'm taking Shaklee suplements but somehow it doesn't feel like it's helping me much. Maybe I should buy pil ikan haruan kot..they said that helps..or letak minyak gamat. Ok, I know this is all too-much-information but I need a place to vent.

And I am so bored with not being well! And bored with confinement! But yeah, most of all I really want my health back ya Allah..please please please..I just want to take care of my girl properly without grimacing everytime I have to get up, sit for a long period of time..this is very trying for me.

I broke down several times already. I'm afraid my mental well being isn't so good either. But that more or less due to physical health.

Please ya Allah, grant me my health once again..I'd do anything..

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

38wks 4ds

It seems that friends that has their EDD around mine has all given birth. Yikes! Am definitely not ready. Stay baking for as long as you want ok, LO? I'm pretty sure that there's a research somewhere that says the longer the better the LO will turn out. After all, all the Muslim scholars pun selalu ibunya bersalin lewat. So, lagi ok la kan kalau past due date..heheh..tapi yang tak ok I think nanti kena induce..sigh..leceh la pulak.

I know it's weird. Not that I'm not anxious to meet the LO but I do not want to feel rushed. That's all. Plus, I have other reasons that I can't say here.

Aside from baby business...I've been playing with bread. Baked my first bread not 2 weeks ago. Did another loaf a few days later and a pan of raisin buns. Bad news is I can't find my Kenwood Dough Hook anywhere! So I've been hand kneading the doughs which is soooo tiring! Especially kneading the bun dough. I am itching to make sausage rolls but having second thoughts now that the hook is missing. The hook is huge, I can't believe it's missing. Hope my mother didn't threw it out by accident. That part alone could cost hundreds. Mahal tul la Kenwood parts ni kan. I wonder how much the meat mincer attachment is...I would really love one. And a breadmaker. Hehehe..but breadmakers are expensive!! So no hope there.

In my opinion, social networks are new ways for people to show off. There are a lot of show-offy people out there on the net. Somehow masa zaman blogging was the hype, it doesn't seem that bad..maybe because social networks are more "instant". Several weeks ago, I came across an article in a newspaper about social networks being one of the factors of depression. Ye lah, konon-konon tengok life orang lain begitu hebat dan gah, sendiri terus rasa depressed. Some people guna defense line.."oh we are just sharing our hapiness/whatever". Tapi please la..we all know kalau ada riak sekelumit pun terus dah dapat dosa so hidup siapa yang lagi best, kan? Speaking of it, I am grateful that Mr. Hubster likes to tegur and practically juga suka mem-ban on personal pictures. Memang susah nak dapat suami macam ni. I realized that as a Muslim, I am bound to restrictions and those restrictions are good for me. So yeah, my husband ambil peduli if I put pictures yang nampak aurat, Alhamdulillah. Pity for those yang tak dapat suami macam I haha..ok perasan pulak.

From the bottom of my heart

I can't imagine never ever bagi orang-orang tersayang merasa air tangan sendiri. Seriously. Simply never cooked for your parents. Or siblings. Even worse, your husband and kids. Tak pernah masak untuk mertua, ishh..takkan la? What would they say/think of you? I don't care how unadapted that person is in the kitchen but if you have never ever tried to prepare something for your loved ones, it's just something so wrong in my books.

Sure, nowadays money can buy you happiness but that is so crass. Bought stuff that anyone can just buy? Blearghh..

Nothing is as sincere as cooking with love.

Day 20

It's the 20th day of fasting. Baru nak update blog. So far puasa has been good.Haven't been to the mosque for terawikh. I prefer doing it at home. Banyak sangat perangai pelik-pelik kat surau tu. Dari pegi sakit hati and terumpat dalam hati..buat saja kat rumah la kan..

Managed to cook almost everyday. Just that balik rumah in-laws tak masak apa langsung. They are not foodies, beli je ala kadar..sahur pun kat luar. I had what I considered one of the best nasi kerabu I've ever had. Bought at Ampangan's Pasar Ramadhan. 2 days in a row. But I suspect, the nasi also left me with an unsettled tummy.

Biskut raya tak buat lagi. Rasanya buat hari Selasa kot. Just nak buat the Chocolate Rice cookies, Choc Chip cookies..what else? Ntah..tak terasa nak berbiskut2 raya tahun ni. We plan on scouring last minute kerepek deals kat Alor Setar nanti. Yes, normally there's quite the bargain anywhere on Raya eve.

I've sent a few pairs of baju kurung to be done at a tailor in Alor Setar. It was a last minute thing. Saw her ad at cari forum. Thought I'd just gamble my luck. Actually, I already have 2 baju kurung..and there are several pairs that I haven't worn at kampung..Also, tangan is very itchy shopping online. Bahh..online shops are dangerous..rasa nak beli jer. Currently I am waiting for my muslimah t-shirt, a wristlet and a perfume to arrive. This morning I was itching to buy another t-shirt..tapi setakat ini berjaya mengekang nafsu.

On Monday, I'm having new spectacles done. I'm looking for a rectangle shape black frames. Nerdy looking glasses. I tried a few pairs before and Mr. Hubster thought it was hot. Whatever turns you on honney..hehe..MOG had these Armani frames..maybe I'll get those. I'm also thinking of getting a black pallazo pants..a new shirt for Mr. Hubster (who likes to scrimp on clothes but pays thousands for his car, camera thingy, IT gadgets) and new shoes!

This year, we'll be going back to his kampung first..Fortunately we might not be sleeping there as the house is predicted to be very very crowded with his cousins. Mr. Hubster has already booked a hotel. Would it be terribly weird if we stayed at a hotel? The house is really cramp and there's only 1 toilet. Estimated persons to be in the house...25?  So tak mengada la kan kalau duduk hotel? It'd be crazy not to.

Right..so that's the update on Ramadhan 2011. Semoga berjumpa lagi di tahun hadapan..

The weekend where the world watched and celebrated.

Long weekend. Twitter timeline is moving fast with news of Will & Kate wedding, Osama bin Laden death and traffic congestion all over Malaysia.

Congratulations to the newly bride and groom. I watched the live feed of their wedding via youtube. Gorgeous dress. Everyone seem to say that her sister, the bride's maid of honour stole the spotlight but if you ask me..she's not as pretty as Kate. And how come she gets to wear a plunging neckline dress to church when everyone else was modest..beats me. Maybe she thought since after this Kate's going to be in the limelight all her life, the least Pippa could do is shine for that 15 minutes of fame. Who knows she might bag a rich husband too. Ok, fine..I'm being catty but what's with all the coverage on her?? It was Kate's day!

Eversince following KLTrafficUpdate on Twitter, it's been making life easier for drivers (except those yang memang kena menempuh jam hari-hari la kan?). Now we know where are all the traffic jams going on, police speed traps, accidents, JPJ road blocks, rush and etc. Twittezens are even putting up pictures of cars of rude drivers, hit-and-run, plate numbers of que cutters and trouble makers. So, be careful of how you treat people on the road these days. Buat malu je if one day your family and friends nampak your car or number plate being bashed by others on Twitter. Tapi kalau yang muka tembok tu..muka tembok la jugak kan?

Osama Bin Laden dead? In truth, I do not know or understand everything that goes on about the war. Who, why, how, etc..I mean, who can you really trust giving out the real information? Are we really supposed to believe everything printed in the papers and the Internet? No la kan? So..what I do know is..he was  a Muslim who thought he was doing right. Who thought his jihad had meaning. I do not condone his act to encourage deaths of others. And for that, for me, I think he was a terrorist, in a way. For that, I believe his death would be a bit of peace in this world. But he was also a Muslim, and so his death does not rejoice me.

With all the big news going on all around the world, it kinda made me feel so small. Especially since nothing, literally nothing, happened to me this weekend.

Dry Spell

Somehow mood nak buat kerja is nowhere to be found. Susah but I know the saying, where there's a will, there's a way. So, nak tak nak mesti cari will power secepat mungkin.

Last weekend, went to visit The Grandparents. Air traveled. It was nice. Haven't been there for ages.

Can't seem to make up my mind if I should get a new laptop. The clock is ticking, the PC Fair offer will end soon. There's nothing much wrong with the current laptop except that the screen is yellow tinted already and the adapter has been changed twice. Judging from its performance, the adapter is unreliable. Sekejap on, sekejap off. Asyik nak kena adjust. Macam bahaya. And oh, the disc drive also dah rosak. So yay or nay on the new laptop? Money, money, money..

Real estate nowadays are a horror. How come price tak macam US? US housing semua turun..Malaysia skyrocketing. Sigh.. Nak duduk mana? Pening kepala asyik fikir this one.

Masterchef is coming to Malaysia. You can check out www.masterchef.com.my. Maybe I should start sharpening my skills for next season..who knows boleh enter ke..LOL. Berangan je lebih. But then again, if bergiat masak, even if there's no second season..skill yang ada tu boleh digunakan. Self-motivation. Bila ada Masterchef Malaysia ni baru sedar there's so many things in the kitchen yang I do not know how to do.
Maybe I should list out the things that I need to learn to further my kitchen skills. That would be a good way kan?  Ok, so watch for "Things to Learn" (somehow, terasa susah sebab kalau Masterchef Malaysia..to me it means you have to know Malaysian Dish and also international la kan?)

Talking about cooking leads to thinking about food. So, now I'm hungry. Till next time, bye!

It

Once upon a time, I've had it. It came out of nowhere and I wasn't sure if I wanted it.

Suddenly it was gone, and I thought. "Oh, well..it's not meant to be." And I think somewhere deep down, the way some people write to Post Secrets, I felt a small part of me sighed with relief that it went away. I felt so guilty, to this day.

Not too long after that, I felt depressed. Why did it went away? Surely it's not because of that small whisper, right? Who am I fooling?

Now, I want it back more than ever. Please. Please, please come back. I'm sorry.

Of sleepless night.

There I was, safely in Lala Land, when out of the blue boleh terjaga pulak. And it was just friggin' 4 a.m!! Tried to fall back asleep but you know how it goes, the harder we try the further slumberland slips away. So, I've been up for almost an hour and a half now. To make matter worse, the tummy is rumbling, pleading to be fed. Dinner was 8 hours ago, so I don't blame you Miss Tummy. But it's 5.30 a.m! I'm such a scaredy cat. Tak boleh bergerak from bed hokaayy.. Lucky lappie is on bed. Yeah, my sleeping partner when he's not around. So yeah, bukak laptop, main Internet boleh jer. Tapi cari makanan tak boleh. I wish it was 6a.m. Lots more people are awake at that time is what I usually presume. Terasa lebih selamat?

Ok, padan muka. Sapa suruh buat marathon Criminal Minds. 

Funny la bila fikir balik. Anak anda, tanya la dia sendiri. Mana la kitorang nak tahu..Jumpa pun sekali-sekala. Bila jumpa, dia buat dek je kat kitorang, mcm tak exist pun..apa punya orang pun tak tahu la..Tapi anak anda kan? So..whateverla kan. Saya pun memang malas nak ambil tahu orang yang camtu.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

We live to die, sooner or later.

It is not the first time I read a blog of a wife, whose husband recently passed away. But each and every time I do, it just make my heart ache so much. Like someone puncture a hole in it. Sedihnya tak terkata membayangkan nasib wanita-wanita ini. Apatah lagi bila most of the blog that I read, the woman would have a few kids, yang masih kecil yang tak boleh faham dengan nasib yang menimpa mereka.

Hati semakin resah dan pilu bila diri sendiri tertanya-tanya bagaimana jika berlaku pada diri sendiri. Ya Allah, sememangnya bila membayangkan pun rasa macam dunia terhenti sekejap. It's like one of those moments in the cartoons where the antagonist is hit by a falling grand piano. Gelap, hitam dunia. Berdebar-debar.

Tak boleh nafi langsung mati itu memang pasti. Kalau hidup, mesti akan mati. Kalaukan nenek tua pun terasa hidupnya kosong setelah pemergian suami yang berpuluhan tahun hidup bersama, apa pula rasanya seorang isteri yang baru mengecapi 2 3 tahun nikmat berumahtangga? Macam mana nak terima hakikat perkara yang pasti tu?

Tak tahu nak cerita macam mana perasaan ni..padahal bukannya berlaku pada aku.

Tapi bila teringat satu blog tu, si Isteri bingung..hari-hari merenung pakaian arwah Suami di dalam almari..Anak-anak yang tertanya-tanya..hmm..

Yes, I might be feeling a bit over-emotional while reading their blog. My empathy runs deep. Semoga roh-roh suami kalian berada di tempat yang lebih baik, dan akan ditempatkan di tempat terbaik. 

Testing

This is to test Blogger-droid app.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

I promised myself that I would write, but I didn't. Loads of drafts has been saved and none of them is even close to finish.

It's already the last of day of February. I better get my act together. My business is also very very slow, I blame myself because I'm giving it very little attention. It's like I lost interest. The more the cake industry is booming, the more my interest is going away. It's like..boring tul tiba-tiba ramai pulak. I know, it's all negative thinking but I'm seriously thinking of starting another business. What? I don't know. That's the huge problem.

I'm hoping things look up as the year goes on. InsyaAllah.

The First Day of The Year

It's the first day of 2011. January 1 2011. The day is almost ending. What did you do today?

This is my...4th (or is it 5th? who's counting anyway..) attempt to keep a blog. I had several blogs before and when I was still single, studying, I updated my blog frequently. And this is one of my new year's resolution. To still keep a blog, and update it frequently.

Yes, I'd like to be a blogger once more. I hope I will remember to write here.